The Great Pain of Indescision

I've never been good at it. I remember being in line at Thrifty's, beside my little brother. He'd be bouncing and pulling at my grama's purse. Mint & Chip, Mint & Chip, Mint & Chip......That's always what it was for him. Except sometimes, in the unfortunate case when vanilla stood in the place of Mint & Chip. You know, because everyone and their dog likes Mint & Chip. 'cept me. Hate mint & Chip. Anyway, the point being that there i'd be with my face to the window, having a definitely physical feeling of dread for when we'd come up to the register. Rocky Road? Well, this one has walnuts and not almonds. Pistachio? No, Ricky's getting Mint & Chip, i don't want a green one, too. Black Cherry? Huh, black cherry....that sounds....no, you got black cherry last time. It didn't really have that many cherries in it, and besides, maybe it would be nice to try a flavor you've never tried. Coffee? But i hate coffee. Sherbert? That's what people on a diet get, it probably sucks. Pistachio? It is your favorite... No, No, No, maybe I'll just get strawberry with a sugar cone. So we'd reach the register, and ricky would shout his flavor...MINT AND CHIP!!!! Grandma, COFFEE....And i'd be wringing my fingers not wanting to frustrate the stupid teenager behind the glass. Suddenly my eyes would focus on the scooper soaking in the milky water, becoming grossed out at any thought of ice cream. Ewww, that water looks like melted butter....butter? butter? Butter Pecan....yes, yes, butter pecan. It was stressful, and it was always the same, age 6, 9, 12, and even now. Thrifty's now Rite Aid, single cones are almost 2 bucks, but some things will always stay the same. I can't make decisions. I have never had the ability to foresee what is going to make me happy. The worst part would come after we've come to the car, and my brother would already be at the cone, ice cream all over his face, happy, happy, happy. Aren't these the kinds of memories that little children in Kazakistan and Nepal dream about? Shut the fuck up.

Anyway, so I've been wanting to leave my mountain. I'm stir-crazy. I'm mountain-drunk....I'm itchy. Yes, so you've heard. I have the opportunity to move to LA, place already set up, job already set up.....Sounds great right? But no, my little responsible voice in the head tells me.....you're not financially prepared. It goes against all yr plans of summer school. Los Angeles? I thought we both knew how you felt about Los Angeles. But i want to move. But it doesn't seem like the right decision. Come on, are you chicken? Nobody calls me chicken.

So now in this day and age, I use things like good old-fashion advice and tarot cards to make my decisions. Honestly though, all i ever used to really want was Black Cherry. If only I knew the significance........