Story Hours

One day, I'll explain everything to you, with many minute details. My motive? Boredom. My venue, vino. Wine is very intimate, they say. I'm a very lonely girl who doesn't understand the power of prison, so, in that case, I will buy 5 cases of Chuck Shaw and shower you with lavish attention and keep your crackers flowing with apples on brie. They say kings dined on Brie, you know.
I've built a very large, felt storyboard on my West side wall and i've made cut-outs of every last character. Even Jenny from Osborne street. She jumped over the wall and swam in our pool while my parents were at work, and us, at school. I thought that the reason she had this kind of free time, was because she was ReeRee*. I thought ReeRees didn't have to go to school. Somehow, in my next 18 years of life, I learned that ReeRees do have to go to school. But she lived with her disabled grandparents, and everyone knows that the disabled don't care about shit, especially grandchildren. Even Jenny from Osborne Street. You know, that story we listened to on tape in Isaac and Aaron's backyard, the one that ends in "And Jenny's head, Fell, Off!!!"? Well, I've got the instrumental tracks on CD. They'll be on in the background. You see? For you, anything.
I've designed a whole new line of fashion for your Feltie. I'll sign over the rights to you once i'm finished. It's the least I can do, after all the inspiration you've put on my plate these last few years. You should see Mom's Feltie. She's got all the newest, ghetto fabulousest accessories. I've even made a black-and-white flashback sequence of Felties that will explain all the mysteries of the seventies. I haven't forgotten the pages of nights we spent hovering over Studio 54 flyers.
All in all, I'd have to admit that Trader Joes isn't always the best place to buy cheap wine, but you could never be as entertained and drunken on anything else. I almost forgot about the cost, and considered buying cases of Champ, but the bubbles are harsh on the memory. I learned that the weekend before last. And the prior as well. You want to know what i did? No, you really don't. And, I don't blame either of us. One of the reasons that Champagne is the Champ is because Traci Ikegami says it is, and she's never been wrong. About champagne? Never.
I rented Twins and Ghostbusters. For some reason, Captain Video does not keep 3 Men and a Little Lady in stock. I did make a quick stop in the adult section where I thought about renting the Boyscout Gaysians, but then I decided that porn doesn't sit well with Felt. It never really did, did it? My DVD player tends to skip since I spilled it with that Kangaroo Merlot I like, so please bring yours. I won't be serving Yellowtail on that night, so you needn't worry about my clumsiness. I don't want to spoil the surprise, but it's going to be on October 29th. It's a Saturday. So keep that weekend open. The invitation will be in your mailbox soon, so don't worry about remembering. Keep well, Walgreen.

*ReeRee-Retard