YoU

want more than what i have

cant take yes for an answer

bottom out faster than everyone i know

grovel at the gravel under yr audience's feet

take less time to react

wonder who you are

promise me nothing.

Blowing Glass

its better than blowing snow, or so they say.

Attention Please, this car is backing up!!!

the man in the van
the man in the van
and his cheap lusty can
don't take his pills
don't take his pills
he ain't as crazy as you seem
don't take his pills
don't take his pills
or else yr crazier than me.

I'm so Boring

a day at work, and yes, i actually work. i challenge myself by beating my own record from the day before. ya, doesn't really sound like me. ya, well i drink tea but not coffee. This makes me especially vulnerable to stimulus. I can't stop doing my work. It makes me ashamed. I'm so boring.

i spend two hours completely alone everyday. There are people all around, yet i say not a word to anyone. Sometimes i talk on my cellular device. Sometimes, i even listen to saved messages so it looks like maybe i could be talking to someone. I pretend to talk to the person leaving the message. I try to impress the lady with the squirrels. I like impressing her. I'm so boring.

as i try to sleep in the night, i put my small plastic bracelet on, then take it off. I do it over and over. I like how my hand fits in child's jewelry. My dad called me a tyrannasaurus rex because of my disproportioned arms. I told that story to 4 different people on the same night. In my defense, i was drunk. I'm so boring.

i bought a giant pink Carebear. The one i always wanted. I always say i love sleepy bear most, but really, i love rainbow bear. i still don't know their real names but i insist on talking about it. I'm so boring.

I get alot of time where alot of blood flows into my brain. It's been a long time since i've been given the gift of so much blood. I think of many people. Sometimes i care, and mostly i don't. I might have stronger feelings if i just weren't so goddamn boring.

My Admittable Secret

I will never change the channel after hearing or seeing a glimpse of the following movies:

Blast from the Past
Back to the Future 2
Terms of Endearment
Bad Boys
The Other Sister
Ladybugs

No matter who is in the room, no matter where i need to go, oh no, i won't go.

Happy Birthday, Robert

Bastardly Roni forgot to call, and now its too late. Damn.

June, 2004

my travels are much in place and it makes me feel something funny. cuz look, i'm 24 again, i'm unsure about my place in the world, unsure about my immediate future, and i take long walks. Mostly, i think about how i'm going to spin you right round, baby, right round like a record, baby! i'm in a hopehole, i'm feelin' summertime, and my fingers are gaining the edge. i'm smoking more these days. I drank like a pornographic leprechaun and loved every minute. i felt no shame for old ways. i knew that time travel would be just like this. i'll be 21 by July.
Today, i am happy with myself and others.
if i were to speak to a friend tonight, i'd be very kind.

I'm sick of things papal

really, its making me nauseous. i considered shoving my body into the smoke stack kindred to homer in the nuclear reactor. its a shame i lost my passport.

Sadly Gone Mind Fuck

I wonder if you wonder if he's talking about you. Only to wonder why i would wonder why. i wonder if you wonder about what i would say should i have the swankliness that i require. you may wonder if i wonder all the things he must wonder about you. its true, i wonder but that is no guarantee that anyone else wonders about you the way i used to. i could give you 3 answers: what you want to hear, what you need to hear or what you'll hear regardless of the things i deem you fit to hear. i am still in a constant state of wonder.

Wild thing, I think I hate you

A somewhat inappropriate title for what captured my bitter little mind from 2-4:55pm. I hate listening to my co-worker talk. I really do hate it. I've gone to new extremes of rude. In a similar situation, the old ro would probably stare into the distance as if suffering from an acute case of autism, politely waiting for your idiotic sentence to finish it's ooze from your mouth. The old ro, who surprisingly enough, could multitask--would pick key examples of your idiocy as things to hate about you later. The old ro would more than likely keep her hatred loosely hidden from your awareness, only to speak of your ills for her own and other's future amusement. The old ro led a boring life, and this made her feel better about herself, especially since it was so fittingly deserved.
I could describe this miserable culprit, but no descriptions can encaptulate the essence of what makes my blood boil, my brain hurt, my fists curl, and my mouth shout. I realize that without a viable description, I cannot justify these sociopathic, reactive fissures that reflect my sentiment as "cuckoo".
I feel like Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Do not get me wrong, I liked John Candy's character, and I think learned the lesson which the movie so provocatively unfolded before my very amused eyes. She just talks "like a chatty cathy doll", she just goes, and goes and goes and goes. Unfortunately, I have not reached any high states of meditative powers which summon the ability to tune out the useless and annoying. In fact, my mind does the opposite. I say, "mind, do as i say, ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore." But no, I hear every useless word she spits from her teeth. Honestly, I'd rather listen to hours of toilets flushing.
It did send me into one somewhat interesting tangent. Thinking about humor, sense of humor, and what people with no sense of humor think is attractive about someone else with no sense of humor. It must be like a positron-electron explosion, only the boring version. I hate when people start sentences with the line..."you know, what's funny about that is....." and nothing funny ever comes. Promising something funny, and then not delivering should be a punishable offense. I can't wait until I rule the world, I'm going to create a lot more punishable offenses. I'll hold interviews for the sentencers.

I'm not sure I made any of my points. I'm a louse, let me count the ways.

From Petty to Pretty

Lillie's a big strapped, patty whack who can't never get no rest. She braids while she sleeps, and claims the wiser while in wake. She don't know why they named her, why they named her. She don't know why. How many papers she got stashed underneath her closet door? Everyone's got their guess. School is never very kind to her, and it never will intend to be. Nobody's got her name down, sure don't got her name. If anyone can vouch for her life, her time, her impurities, should be the third eye amphibeous stowaway...who will soon be the reason her father leaves her teary-eyed and bludgeoned just 2 feet from the toilet seat.

Confused and Lazy

I forgot how to do many things. I'm too lucid to really try and gather into order. Hold, one moment.

I've made two mistakes recently.
The first one was choosing red instead of green.
The second was vowing to a silence, i didn't know what this vow would entail.

July 14th, 2009----I'm so scared of you. I didn't think i was the type to be. I guess I never really understood this stage like I once thought I did.

Two weeks ago, I dreamt of 2 baby raptors. In my dream they looked like snakes. In my brain, young raptors were snakelike because I thought of them like frogs, in need of a transformation. The eggs broke inside the back shower at 5046 Nobel St. Commerce CA 90040. If you've ever been to 5046 Nobel St., you'd know that the shower door holds fast, and must practically be kicked in order to allow transportation.
In the dream, I could see over the shower door, while in reality, this would not happen without a step ladder. In the dream, I knew that the raptors were: 1)exceptionally poisonous 2) 1 male, 1 female 3) very wiley creatures considering they were newly hatched. For some reason, i really liked these raptors. I wanted to keep them. I decided against it for fear of my own life. (this dream suggests the possibility that i may be a good candidate for the Oedipus oracle). I decided they needed to die. I grabbed the male. In my dream, I knew the male had a red stripe from the nape of his neck down to the tail. I grabbed the space just below his head that would disallow his teeth to reach my hand. I grabbed tight, and bit through him. I kept biting until I tore him into two half baby raptors. I then grabbed the female. I knew this would be a harder task, due to the thought that ran through my head. The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

(remember that song back in the 90's? who sang that anyway? Hold one moment, shouldn't I know that? Yes, I probably should.)

As I tried to grab for the same spot on the neck, she toothed me. Raptor-toothed me good. I let go and slunched down into a comfortable death pose. I kept wondering when I'd start losing breath. I never did.
Maybe you don't die in your dreams, though i thought i had.





I don't wanna forget this: Type down every single name of every single person you've ever known.

Aftershock

Ever thought you'd thrown up blood, only to remember you just drank too much cinnamon flavored liqueor? You wonder how anything besides maybe a dog or a small child consumes too much of such a thing. After 1 or 2 shots, you'd think your stomach/taste buds would be the natural deterrant of this behavior. You'd think, wouldn't you?

Deader than Thee?

If anything, i should hope to be.

Soberest Sunday Morning Yet

I can't determine the mood. I listen to something very very new. Let us see, it is like: sad for what is gone, mad for what you've stolen, sad for the reason why, mad for how it was done. Damn damn damn. It's not good to focus so much thought on the subject. It's bad for yr teeth. Night frights. I awoke from two. Yesterday.
Guillitines, old memories, strength without forgiveness, youth, unrecorded and unexplained blankness of the eyes. Sure, it was always present, but yr pretty way ...well, served as a distraction. Is something very wrong?
I doubt.
And now for another subject, the thing that I surely know means nothing of me. I placed more importance on these matters, than should you. I should feel so lucky its never gone so far. I learned this from someone far smarter than you. Yes, i still try to learn. How dare he? How dare she? How you dare, indeed.

Because of you, i'm surely sure, I cried watching........uh, legally blonde 1. Isn't that just the stupidest thing you've ever heard? I'll never be good enough for you. I believe it was that part. Going through such ridiculous extremes, such ridiculous extremes. And if you were to think i'm directing this to you, then fuck off. Fuck off, forever.
Look, I'll agree to disagree, and that is all.

Inconsequencial Conscience

One of the more difficult things to shed, i fear. Oh, the misery of a disillusioned conscience. I dream as to speak without incalculable surprise, like a tell-all aunt, mouth opened for the money. I dream if only to unveil my dreams. I yearn if only just to shut and destroy your overfull ego. I linger like yr cockroach, where I hide in the jars just like i'm expected to be, right where you like me to be. But i'm less forthright in pest control, pet control, pen control. You careless scientists, killing all the rats, when it was always I who passed with your plague.

From the Mouths of Time Travelers

Somebody disclosed to me the most perfect secret. Though it is not specifically clever, or distinguisably modern, I find it greatly momentous. It can be very difficult to pinpoint where you really went wrong, and for that matter went right. Especially when your life has been nothing but a series of forked paths paved with the meddlesome case of a paranoid sense of social deficiency. I have been given the opportunity to sprint in a backward direction, where my body will be young again, and my idealism may be restored, and my feet may find the better rock to stand upon. It will be a frightning experience for certain, since the digression will force the re-experience in many of the ills that have taken their course upon my product. I will revisit every moment, every alcoholic moment, sober moment, embarrassed, meager, diligent, obnoxious, terribly delightful moment. Until, all that is left is the 18 year old idiot i so fondly remember. Stupid, as I was, immature as I was, yes sir, lame as i was, it was nothing but a white page, the white page i've been so desperately seeking. I'm tempted to explain further, but it is the secret kept only by MaryMary. I cannot be expected to abandon Subrosa. For my pages are still cluttered and existant, and I fear the invisible few.

I am in more than one way--a time traveler.

How to be Lavishly Cheap-----Tip 1

These days, the trend is to waltz around town with a water bottle either: in your hand, popping out of your bag, attached to a bike, on your desk, by your bedside, stacked in your refrigerator, and rolling around on your passenger seat. I am sure you are also aware of the trend of inflation. What is the cost of the average priced bottled water? Arrowhead: $1.29 Fiji: 1.99, etc.
If you consider all the places you need to bring and occasionally drink your water bottle, you'd probably have to buy 2 to 3 a day. If you are lucky to live in a city where your drinking water hasn't gone to shit, then fill em up, kids, by god, give them a good fill. However, if you live in LA, and your water tastes metallic and stenchful, then you should go to the local grocery store and fill up your bottles at the Water Bungalows (those glacier stands beside the children's ride.) It's only .20 cents a gallon and 80 cents fills up 10-12 large bottles. People, if you are truly water enthusiasts, you'll fall in love with these things, for real.

If you doubt the refreshingness of this idea, you can just go ahead being broke on your nasty aquatica habits. It's really none of my business.

Pornography of the Will

As i pass by the stray of roses
pink, lavendar, yellow, orange
i remember two vivid scenes
the first is my gramma hunched on her knees
and the other is the contempt
for the effect of beauty on my own.
i wonder how its like to never give
a thought towards the difficulty
of tricking one's eye and forging one's heart.
Power be to the pretty who share their secret onto me.

Laguna Beach

"Sahar: According to my dad, my bloodline is connected to Mohammed.
Josh: See, now that just sounds brown to me."

"Josh: Ronell, can you move your car out of my driveway, it's lowering my property value."

"Josh: No, really, what's it like being poor?"

I'm not sure if anything else can translate well with the written word. I'm not even sure if this can.

I had a good week

it was the first in a while.

She's what you'd dream about

if you were laid among the poppies.


Mary Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With blue bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row.