Honestly, children

Know what i've been thinking lately? "Boy, has it really been 6 months since my vehicle has been assaulted? How queer, my car life has been on such a smooth path since i've abandoned my Cameroni. With the back doors that don't open, and the self-installed dashboard, the foul spirits must have fled from my life. Those dangerously addictive demons gots a new G-ride. Boy, has it really been 6 months since my vehicle has been assaulted?

Curiously, the answer is Yes.

Memorial day, February 21st, 2005---1988 Camry LX, Blue--Stolen from ungated parking structure from the front of my apartment building. Found 1 day later, abandoned less than 2 miles away. Battery? Dead.

Lame Day, July 26, 2005---1989 Jeep Cherokee, Brown--Side window shattered, radio
stolen along with CD's. The bestest part? In event of my moving, i had sorted the 25 best CD's. The ones you can't not have for more than a day to 1 week. The ones you fall asleep to at night, that force you to be happy when yr not only awake at 7am, but that the temperature is already 85 degrees Fahrenheit. The ones that fan yr terrific anger when yr pissing away through traffic. The ones i love. Fuck them, i don't need shit.

Thursdays

Thursdays are the last day that the library stays open until 8pm. During my pre-library walks, I think about how i want to sum up my day. I think about what i did, what i felt, who i saw, etc. I try and take the most exciting and the most mundane. Most exciting part of the day--when my boss caught me on the internet. We are not allowed on the internet. I was breaking the rule. In the lamest way possible. I did enjoy when i offered my cube mate some Trader Joe's honey roasted almonds. "Do you want nuts in your mouth?" "Ya, a little".
Most mundane part of the day--when i was thought i was 4 policies away from finishing all my work, and counted, only to find i was really 6 policies away from finishing.
I had a semi-excited moment when i looked up some books on sex. I found the section 612.6 M958. The 612.6's. That's where i gotta go. Maybe I will cut this early. I also found this book on 60's hairstyles that i'll be checking out. I'm not really as bored as you might imagine. My chickenly, chinese chasm of anger always has my back. In that one arena, at least.
I miss doing drugs. I remembered missing it after talking to a friend claiming she's got access to methodone, oxicotin, and other things that i don't know the names of. She sounded like that guy from trainspotting who was also that guy who kidnapped Alicia Silverstone. One thing i hate about not having my tracker anymore is that i can no longer find out which of my posts are read purely because of google's keywords.
Examples: jody foster hermaphodite, tag teaming, oxicotin
That is unless i spelled it wrong, which i probably did. Fuck you.

Brain Error

I just figured out why i was so pissed when i changed my format to a template. Not only did i lose the mistakes that i couldn't fix, but i also lost all my links, my tracker. Damn it. I don't have time for this.

The Library is Closing.

I left for a long time. Sure, my internet was broken, but i was a hurt little bunny. i didn't want to give no one nothing. i didn't want to give me nothing. it would have been little chocolate covered bullets for my chocolate covered future. I'm learning why i was such a bitch. I'm learning why i was so immature. I may have learned why i hate you, the metaphysical you, the interchangeable love in my head. The interchangeable hate in my face. I know why and i'm gonna do it even better. You ain't seen apathy like mine. You ain't seen this fucked up shit. Everyday i strive for a deeper sense of your abandonment. I talk not to mine enemies. I talk to my love.

Un Ano Pasado

Oh god, maybe i am getting less stupid.
It's not progression, baby, i swear!!!!

Walk me Counter Clockwise.

I guess my stupid birthday didn't really help me figure anything out. I mean seriously, how could a day, a very hot day in the middle of july really help solve anything good. After i write this, i'm going to go back to last year's post around this day. Maybe i have made some sort a progress but it is unrecognizable in the present moment. But i don't want progress. All that bullshit implies is moving forward, learning from and about mistakes, finding out what's what in yr head. I don't want that. Ya, i don't want progress. I want regress. I want you to walk me counter clockwise, baby. It's not like in the TV shows, where the semi-main character has an approaching birthday of remarkable status. Like 50 or 40 or 30.

ANd anyway, we all hate those subplots, they are so boring and unpleasant to think about. Who cares about old people? Maybe that's what i'm saying. ANyway, It's not like that at all. I don't care about my physical age. I don't care about all the things i haven't and probably never will accomplish. I don't care that it appears increasingly creepy to sleep with boys in their late teens. Just kidding, i haven't done that in years. But do you see how defensively quick I covered that up? Well, whatever, it was a joke, and besides my point was that i don't care. I really don't. I don't want a good job with health benefits. I don't want prominence. I don't want that kind of power. At least not right now. At least not on my slippery decline into age 30. I just don't want to bore myself senseless.

The point? There isn't one, and even if there were, I wouldn't spell it out for anybody, least of all myself. I'm gonna be like Frankenfurter. I'm gonna learn to control lightning and time warps. I'm mad with excitement.

The Thing that Made me Think. Oh, stupid Squirrel

I'm not even sure if it is the same squirrel that i keep seeing. I do circles on the big dirt ring at the park. There is a tree that pops from the sewers. That may sound gross, but hey, it's LA. This is the manyth time that i've seen this squirrel up there. The first time he was growling. Who knows how many times he had seen me pass before it came into his head to growl. I liked his growl, it sounded like a bird. Maybe chirp is better adjective or verb. No, silly noun. HOw stupid.
I can't really say for sure whether the squirrel i saw today was the same as all the other days. Sure, same tree. Sure, same brown squirrel tale. Sure, same growl. Though today, he wasn't growling. He was shoving leaves into his mouth. It reminded me of perverts who eat pork and watch porn simultaneously. He probably just liked my chubby cheeks. He probably just thought i keep very warm. Maybe he wasn't even a he at all.