So, what ever happened to.........
Monday, September 27, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
And one last thing....
...i've been expecting this.
Its like what the Beatles said at the end of their career, "the love you take is equal to the love you make". And i'm sure it works the other way around as well.
I suspect that i believe in karma.
I suspect that i may be a hippy.
Its like what the Beatles said at the end of their career, "the love you take is equal to the love you make". And i'm sure it works the other way around as well.
I suspect that i believe in karma.
I suspect that i may be a hippy.
I just want to be what I can't already see....
I was sitting in my class, surrounded by children and unhappy housewives when i dozed into a daydream which was less of a fanciful experience and more of a dream where you feel very uncomfortable, rushed and imposed upon. I heard my psych teacher describing social development, blah blah blah, self esteem, blah, gender identity, blah blah, etc. I really wished to leave because these were things i've heard countless times before in other humanities type classes. As she was describing how people become "stuck" in the stages that they were unable to master and work through, I began wondering where I belonged in these types of things. I decided that this question warranted actually looking at my handout.
I looked to see what social-emotional stage a healthy 25 year old should be. Apparently, this is the stage of refining skills at personal relationships and intimacy. According to my worksheet, this developmental process occurs around 19 (beginning of college age) and spanning to around 27 (i guess when people marry). I felt a little troubled, inadequate, and intimidated after quickly reviewing my ability at personal relationships and intimacy. I rapidly assessed my overwhelming fear of people and their cruel intentions, their evil thoughts, and their condescending perceptions of who I am.
i wondered to myself, "why do you assume the worst of people? why would these people think these things about you? why do you care? and last but not least, "is this just your crazy paranoia, you psycho?" No, its not. People have told me that i'm crazy, silly, these things are all in my head. But I know they are not. All I can judge others on is how they treat other people and how they treat me, and how they treat themselves. If they are cruel behind the backs of people on the same par as myself, I can't help but wonder....are they secretly cruel to me?
One example, which truly saddens and disappoints me, is as follows. I have a friend, a good friend, who honestly spoke their feelings about another friend. These feelings were not very nice, not very friendly, not very pleasant at all. They alluded to both character and physical appearance. It alluded to fatness, ugliness, unworthiness, etc. I felt angry and defensive of my friend, but didn't say a word. This shitty, cowardly move of mine was more of side effect of the horrible offense I selfishly took towards myself. I thought to myself, "self, i know i weigh more than this friend of mine, is this what my friend, my good friend, thinks of me as well?" Rather than feel empathy for my offended friend, i felt embarrassment and uncomfort for myself.
I am digressing, for I was trying to find out why my developmental stages are all fucked up. I hate Pyschology. I hate that its "normal" to build trusting, lasting relationships with others. Why can't it be normal to fear others, keep your feelings hidden, smother your love for another until it turns itself into angry hatred? Why can't those things be on my handout?
My dream last night brought up an interesting realization. I dreamt that I was kissing someone and he stopped and said "i've never thought about you like this". I was so mad and i said, "why not!!!" He didn't answer and left. I was so angry. So i walked down the street at night. It was the old neighborhood in LA where I grew up. When i woke up, i saw that my love turns to hate when left unreturned. I hated that dream.
I looked to see what social-emotional stage a healthy 25 year old should be. Apparently, this is the stage of refining skills at personal relationships and intimacy. According to my worksheet, this developmental process occurs around 19 (beginning of college age) and spanning to around 27 (i guess when people marry). I felt a little troubled, inadequate, and intimidated after quickly reviewing my ability at personal relationships and intimacy. I rapidly assessed my overwhelming fear of people and their cruel intentions, their evil thoughts, and their condescending perceptions of who I am.
i wondered to myself, "why do you assume the worst of people? why would these people think these things about you? why do you care? and last but not least, "is this just your crazy paranoia, you psycho?" No, its not. People have told me that i'm crazy, silly, these things are all in my head. But I know they are not. All I can judge others on is how they treat other people and how they treat me, and how they treat themselves. If they are cruel behind the backs of people on the same par as myself, I can't help but wonder....are they secretly cruel to me?
One example, which truly saddens and disappoints me, is as follows. I have a friend, a good friend, who honestly spoke their feelings about another friend. These feelings were not very nice, not very friendly, not very pleasant at all. They alluded to both character and physical appearance. It alluded to fatness, ugliness, unworthiness, etc. I felt angry and defensive of my friend, but didn't say a word. This shitty, cowardly move of mine was more of side effect of the horrible offense I selfishly took towards myself. I thought to myself, "self, i know i weigh more than this friend of mine, is this what my friend, my good friend, thinks of me as well?" Rather than feel empathy for my offended friend, i felt embarrassment and uncomfort for myself.
I am digressing, for I was trying to find out why my developmental stages are all fucked up. I hate Pyschology. I hate that its "normal" to build trusting, lasting relationships with others. Why can't it be normal to fear others, keep your feelings hidden, smother your love for another until it turns itself into angry hatred? Why can't those things be on my handout?
My dream last night brought up an interesting realization. I dreamt that I was kissing someone and he stopped and said "i've never thought about you like this". I was so mad and i said, "why not!!!" He didn't answer and left. I was so angry. So i walked down the street at night. It was the old neighborhood in LA where I grew up. When i woke up, i saw that my love turns to hate when left unreturned. I hated that dream.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Necromance
TV just taught me about a store on Melrose where they sell real human body parts. I'm so there next weekend. So there......
Monday, September 20, 2004
Neo-Mongoloidal Symbols for to Broaden
oftentime a light will cease to blind,
sexy motherfucker number five sign,
Creo que sueno sin la razon,
but if there weren't any memory or anything bigger....
heard yr comments on the lawn, so very very very in the wrong.
It's the certainties that drive the nutty nuts
because there never is a why, just a no.
Always and now and Just.
Please for a little revision,
you burn my treasures, animos.
con deslealtad en la corazon
pero sin intenciones, verdad?
or so they say
clearly the rainbow rains and parades
so comfortably convenient
si llamo, dame finja
entonces que sabre
its you.
sexy motherfucker number five sign,
Creo que sueno sin la razon,
but if there weren't any memory or anything bigger....
heard yr comments on the lawn, so very very very in the wrong.
It's the certainties that drive the nutty nuts
because there never is a why, just a no.
Always and now and Just.
Please for a little revision,
you burn my treasures, animos.
con deslealtad en la corazon
pero sin intenciones, verdad?
or so they say
clearly the rainbow rains and parades
so comfortably convenient
si llamo, dame finja
entonces que sabre
its you.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Friday, September 17, 2004
Pantamiming Rhyming
I wish i actually could believe myself when i blab on and on about something or another. I wish that my opinions on a matter could be grounded a little firmer. I should get to sleep, but my brain is in write/think mode. Only it is very very tired and not doing much of a job at all. People are all over the place these days. It makes me slap happy and grabby. I'm so very very sleepy.
Lately, i've been dabbling in a little coffee drinking in the mornings. I'm at work, and i'm cold and i smell it creep up the stairs, and its free. And it makes me all focused and such. It also makes me concentrate on not only my workload, but also my jokes. I find myself funnier after some coffee. It's like the productive equivalent of 2 puffs from a fatty. I don't usually use that term. I prefer the 80's inner city term, shwag. What Eva....
Lately, i've been dabbling in a little coffee drinking in the mornings. I'm at work, and i'm cold and i smell it creep up the stairs, and its free. And it makes me all focused and such. It also makes me concentrate on not only my workload, but also my jokes. I find myself funnier after some coffee. It's like the productive equivalent of 2 puffs from a fatty. I don't usually use that term. I prefer the 80's inner city term, shwag. What Eva....
Monosodium Glutamate
I figured that i might as well not let my speech assignment go to waste. Here's some info on......
MSG: The Secret Ingredient
Introduction: Today at break, you'll probably walk outside the classroom, and get some fresh air, and maybe even hit the snack machines downstairs. Speech class can get you pretty thirsty. But are you fully aware of what a simple bag of chips and soda pop can do to you? The slogan for Lays Potato Chips is "Bet you can't eat just one". Have you ever wondered why? Is it because you're really hungry? Or is it because they are super tasty? Or could it be that there is some secret ingredient in many of your favorite snack foods that fools your brain into thinking that "you can't eat just one"? I suspect that you may know what I'm alluding to, but I bet you weren't aware of just how many foods this secret ingredient is added to and just how it affects your short and long term health.
I. According to the FDA Backgrounder, a website produced by the US Department of Health and Human Services in 1995, "MSG can be found not only in canned soup and flavored crackers and chips, but also can be found in frozen treats such as ice cream, yogurt, soda pop and other snack foods.
A. MSG became publicly known to most Americans through the media and heresay in connection to Chinese food. It is said to be added as a flavor enhancer to many dishes containing high amounts of soy sauce.
1. Glutamate, the natural chemical found in the many foods, was actually discovered by the Japanese when they noticed that seaweed broth significantly enhanced the flavor of certain foods.
2. This occurs because seaweed and soy have high contents of glutamate. In the early 1900s, MSG was produced in this way, however in recent times, it is made from corn, starch, sugar or molasses. It is produced by a natural fermentation process similar to the process of making beer, vinegar or yogurt. Bacteria synthesize glutamic acide outside of their cell membranes. This was the method that brought it to such a large scale of production, and inclusion into our daily diets.
3. Other natural foods that contain Glutamate are tomatoes, peas, mushrooms, soybeans, and meat. The common relation between these foods are the fact that they produce a similar amino acid, which are the building blocks of proteins.
B. The body contains glutamate receptors which are stimulated when these foods are consumed. When the receptors become stimulated, your brain is flooded with other neurologically yummy chemicals that trick it into thinking that the food is tasty on your tongue, thus tricking you, the eater, into thinking the food tastes savory.
1. Monosodium Glutamate, or MSG is a synthetic chemical which is slightly tweaked from its natural form of glutamate. The body cannot distinguish between the glutamate naturally present in certain foods from the monosodium glutamate made synthetically and added to foods as an enhancer.
2. MSG is sold as a fine white crystally substance, which looks very similar to salt or sugar. It does not have a distinct flavor of its own.
3. According to some researcher's beliefs, MSG imparts a fifth taste independent of the four tastes of sweet, sour, salty and bitter. This taste is described as savory. The Japanese have named it umami.
II Monosodium Glutamate is said by certain scientists to have negative effects on your health.
A. However, this issue is ongoing, and according to the IFIC.org health publication on Everything You Need to know about MSG, Monosodium Glutamate is safe. They argue that because MSG is one of the most extensively researched substances in the food supply worldwide, and no serious side effects have been discovered among large portions of the population, then it is safe.
1. According to the same article, infants metabolize glutamate at the same rate as adults, which alludes tot he fact that it is not any more harmful for small children.
2. MSG contains less sodium than table salt. 13% to 40%
B. According to the FDA Backgrounder, the FASEB report released the following health effects coming from a collaboration of multiple studies and scientific literature.
1. An unknown percentage of the population may react to MSG in the following ways: burning sensation in neck, tingling and weakness in the face, chest pain, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, nausea.
2. A large percentage of otherwise healthy individuals would develop mild cases of these symptoms after consuming a mere 3 grams of MSG.
3. People presupposed to asthmatic conditions have a higher and more dangerous weakness to the effects caused by MSG.
III. Since there are studies suggesting that a very common food additive can have negative effects on the body, it is important to know the laws on labeling packaged foods.
A. Under the current FDA regulations, MSG must be identified to the consumer as "monosodium glutamate" in the label's ingredient list. It also must be placed in order of the percentage it takes up in the list of total ingredients.
1. Labels that claim "NO MSG" don't necessary have to include the naturally occuring glutamates present in ingredients such as tomatoes or mushrooms. This could cause some serious sickness in those individuals highly sensitive to MSG.
2. There are some other names that MSG goes by, along with thier sister chemicals which are chemically similar and produce similar effects: hydrolyzed soy protein,
B. Some studies suggest that the overstimulation of the glutamate receptors for a prolonged lifetime can cause nervous disorders such as fibromyalgia or heart arrhythmia, epilepsy, Parkinsons and Huntington's disease. These diseases are all neurological diseases that affect your axial dendrital functions. (Show Picture)
IV. Use of MSG in food has increased exponentially in the last 30 years due to the explosion of pre-packaged snack foods.
A. MSG is found in most soups, salad dressings, processed meats, frozen entrees, bread, low and no fat foods as flavor enhancers to make up for the flavor lost when the fat is reduced.
B. It has been found in cosmetics, pharmecuticals, and dietary supplements such as certain vitamins.
As you can see, monosodium glutamate has not only snuck into our mealtimes, but it has also been incorporated into our health and beauty supplies. As a preserving agent, we have managed to surround our bodies, both inside and out, with chemicals meant to keep us preserved. Though there are strong cases for both sides suggesting the effects of Monosodium Glutamate on our health, it seems much safer to avoid a potentially harmful chemical. Individuals have the right to know the hidden ingredients lurking in their environment, and should be aware of the possible long and short term side effects that any chemical may have on their body. So when you make your way to the snack machine, give a little looksy to list of ingredients on the back of your snack food, it might surprise you to see how much of this chemical you've been consuming without even knowing it.
MSG: The Secret Ingredient
Introduction: Today at break, you'll probably walk outside the classroom, and get some fresh air, and maybe even hit the snack machines downstairs. Speech class can get you pretty thirsty. But are you fully aware of what a simple bag of chips and soda pop can do to you? The slogan for Lays Potato Chips is "Bet you can't eat just one". Have you ever wondered why? Is it because you're really hungry? Or is it because they are super tasty? Or could it be that there is some secret ingredient in many of your favorite snack foods that fools your brain into thinking that "you can't eat just one"? I suspect that you may know what I'm alluding to, but I bet you weren't aware of just how many foods this secret ingredient is added to and just how it affects your short and long term health.
I. According to the FDA Backgrounder, a website produced by the US Department of Health and Human Services in 1995, "MSG can be found not only in canned soup and flavored crackers and chips, but also can be found in frozen treats such as ice cream, yogurt, soda pop and other snack foods.
A. MSG became publicly known to most Americans through the media and heresay in connection to Chinese food. It is said to be added as a flavor enhancer to many dishes containing high amounts of soy sauce.
1. Glutamate, the natural chemical found in the many foods, was actually discovered by the Japanese when they noticed that seaweed broth significantly enhanced the flavor of certain foods.
2. This occurs because seaweed and soy have high contents of glutamate. In the early 1900s, MSG was produced in this way, however in recent times, it is made from corn, starch, sugar or molasses. It is produced by a natural fermentation process similar to the process of making beer, vinegar or yogurt. Bacteria synthesize glutamic acide outside of their cell membranes. This was the method that brought it to such a large scale of production, and inclusion into our daily diets.
3. Other natural foods that contain Glutamate are tomatoes, peas, mushrooms, soybeans, and meat. The common relation between these foods are the fact that they produce a similar amino acid, which are the building blocks of proteins.
B. The body contains glutamate receptors which are stimulated when these foods are consumed. When the receptors become stimulated, your brain is flooded with other neurologically yummy chemicals that trick it into thinking that the food is tasty on your tongue, thus tricking you, the eater, into thinking the food tastes savory.
1. Monosodium Glutamate, or MSG is a synthetic chemical which is slightly tweaked from its natural form of glutamate. The body cannot distinguish between the glutamate naturally present in certain foods from the monosodium glutamate made synthetically and added to foods as an enhancer.
2. MSG is sold as a fine white crystally substance, which looks very similar to salt or sugar. It does not have a distinct flavor of its own.
3. According to some researcher's beliefs, MSG imparts a fifth taste independent of the four tastes of sweet, sour, salty and bitter. This taste is described as savory. The Japanese have named it umami.
II Monosodium Glutamate is said by certain scientists to have negative effects on your health.
A. However, this issue is ongoing, and according to the IFIC.org health publication on Everything You Need to know about MSG, Monosodium Glutamate is safe. They argue that because MSG is one of the most extensively researched substances in the food supply worldwide, and no serious side effects have been discovered among large portions of the population, then it is safe.
1. According to the same article, infants metabolize glutamate at the same rate as adults, which alludes tot he fact that it is not any more harmful for small children.
2. MSG contains less sodium than table salt. 13% to 40%
B. According to the FDA Backgrounder, the FASEB report released the following health effects coming from a collaboration of multiple studies and scientific literature.
1. An unknown percentage of the population may react to MSG in the following ways: burning sensation in neck, tingling and weakness in the face, chest pain, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, nausea.
2. A large percentage of otherwise healthy individuals would develop mild cases of these symptoms after consuming a mere 3 grams of MSG.
3. People presupposed to asthmatic conditions have a higher and more dangerous weakness to the effects caused by MSG.
III. Since there are studies suggesting that a very common food additive can have negative effects on the body, it is important to know the laws on labeling packaged foods.
A. Under the current FDA regulations, MSG must be identified to the consumer as "monosodium glutamate" in the label's ingredient list. It also must be placed in order of the percentage it takes up in the list of total ingredients.
1. Labels that claim "NO MSG" don't necessary have to include the naturally occuring glutamates present in ingredients such as tomatoes or mushrooms. This could cause some serious sickness in those individuals highly sensitive to MSG.
2. There are some other names that MSG goes by, along with thier sister chemicals which are chemically similar and produce similar effects: hydrolyzed soy protein,
B. Some studies suggest that the overstimulation of the glutamate receptors for a prolonged lifetime can cause nervous disorders such as fibromyalgia or heart arrhythmia, epilepsy, Parkinsons and Huntington's disease. These diseases are all neurological diseases that affect your axial dendrital functions. (Show Picture)
IV. Use of MSG in food has increased exponentially in the last 30 years due to the explosion of pre-packaged snack foods.
A. MSG is found in most soups, salad dressings, processed meats, frozen entrees, bread, low and no fat foods as flavor enhancers to make up for the flavor lost when the fat is reduced.
B. It has been found in cosmetics, pharmecuticals, and dietary supplements such as certain vitamins.
As you can see, monosodium glutamate has not only snuck into our mealtimes, but it has also been incorporated into our health and beauty supplies. As a preserving agent, we have managed to surround our bodies, both inside and out, with chemicals meant to keep us preserved. Though there are strong cases for both sides suggesting the effects of Monosodium Glutamate on our health, it seems much safer to avoid a potentially harmful chemical. Individuals have the right to know the hidden ingredients lurking in their environment, and should be aware of the possible long and short term side effects that any chemical may have on their body. So when you make your way to the snack machine, give a little looksy to list of ingredients on the back of your snack food, it might surprise you to see how much of this chemical you've been consuming without even knowing it.
Monday, September 13, 2004
One of the Memories to Laugh
Perhaps it should go under my top 20 stupidest moments. Circa 2001, I am standing at the bus stop 51 on the T of bancroft and telegraph. i am consumed in thought and music as i'm huddled in my hoody with the strings tied tightly. I am brought back into the world when i feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn, and i find an old, crazy-haired man with a wild look in his eye trying to communicate something blasted. So I emerge from my headphones and say, "excuse me?". He's shakey, he's jagged, he's a one of a kind. He asks in a loud, jolty voice "where's the 7 stop? Where's the 7 stop?". I point and reply, "over there". His voice then grows louder and angrier, "where? where?". I point and reply, "over there by the tree." He continues, "where, where, you moron, can't you see that i'm blind?" I then glanced into his eyes and saw that indeed, he was blind". He was at the height of his agitation, i was at the height of offense and embarrassment. I was confused and just wanted to run into the bus that was pulling up. Instead, i grabbed his callused hand and pulled him to the sign. He didn't say thank you, and i'm not really sure if he should have. I'm still confused by that incident.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
The Lesson of a Lifetime
Sometimes shitty ass things can be the catalyst to the big prospective. When you watch it happen to someone else, it comes in even clearer. Its amazing how abandonment can teach you about love, and infatuation can shed suns onto detachment. How can you measure someone's worth? How can you predict the depth of the pool before you fall in? Eventually evaporation will pull all the water, and make it crystal clear. Until they invent mind reading visors or future seeing sunglasses, all we have to rely on is Time. I don't really believe in Love. I only believe in fear of lonliness, jointly-mirrored egotism, and sex. I only wish i could convince myself that i was just a jaded, no-good liar.
I'm so sick of the way things are. I'm done with it. I refuse to let these things get to me. And i've learned my lesson. This time, i think i learned it good, and so have they......
I'm so sick of the way things are. I'm done with it. I refuse to let these things get to me. And i've learned my lesson. This time, i think i learned it good, and so have they......
Thursday, September 02, 2004
I almost forgot....
how it feels to be 13. Until, of course, i moved back home and watched my little sister be this miserable age. She came home the other day with a huge safety pin in her eyebrow. I told her, "mom's gonna freak so get it out of there". Personally, i thought it looked good, but i didn't know what to do. Should i be the cool sister or the uncool tattletale? I feel like i'm some sort of traitor. Do i identify with the authority jerks....teachers, parents....or am i still the asshole girl who hates the power keepers? I'm remembering what 13 is like....and its scary.
It's different now, though...my mom is much more lenient. She's happier, less cranky....i dont know. i decided that the oldest sibling has alot of responsibility in a family. They've gotta have balls until its time to take the responsibility of not letting your followers make the same mistakes. Whatever....lost cause. I just got yelled at for drinking all the beer. No wonder everything is messed up......
It's different now, though...my mom is much more lenient. She's happier, less cranky....i dont know. i decided that the oldest sibling has alot of responsibility in a family. They've gotta have balls until its time to take the responsibility of not letting your followers make the same mistakes. Whatever....lost cause. I just got yelled at for drinking all the beer. No wonder everything is messed up......
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