Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Verdad?


How have you never noticed this before? Aren't you all about patterns, cycles, and misdemeanors? There are magnets at work here. Two likenesses show that something grand is happening. I've shuffled the deck and i'm prepared to play again, this time with a face all anew. Too much effort has been placed in fruitless underestimation. A new go with a new road of smiles and pretense.

Dear Diary,

The dream I had 2 nights ago has opened a door. Though in the dream, behind the door, it was 3 loco ass Mexicanos about to beat the shit fuck outta him. We were looting their house, what else is there to expect but a good ass kicking? But most men, especially mexicanos will probably not kick the ass of a young woman, unless it is their vieja. At least, that's the status quo in my subconscious playground. So I ran to them, jumped onto their bats and paddles, trying to create time and an aversion for his escape. But he didn't run, like i wanted and expected. Instead, he walked up to us, pulled me off of them and told them we would leave. The fear in my throat pushed out the words, "you idiotttt!" His face was disappointed in my reaction, and his ass got beat. I awoke.
Before this, I had never had any real belief in either dreams or wakefulness that he was capable of standing up for me. My dreams of him usually portray a superficial alliance. He'll either diss me, or abandon me. My fears are strong in my dreams. This dream is very new. And despite its existence as a dream, on this night i believed in him.

The Ox Has Fallen

I'm a braggart. On this subject, yes, it is true. I'm proud of my immune system. It is definitely a champion. But there are always dark periods. My medicine is the bombass soup i discovered hiding in my fridge.
First i sauteed onion, lots of crushed garlic(an entire flower), dry asiany, short grain rice. After the slightly browning the rice, enter fresh spinach,leek,zucchini, carrot, potato, cabbage. Really, just the vegetable soup shit. After it has wallowed in its deliciousness for a bit, fill the pot with filtered water. Next, squeeze like a whole bunch of limes or meyer lemons. Seriously, i mean pretend yr making limeade. Then add miso until it tastes like broth. I'm kind of a food hippy these days, so i threw in small squares of tofu. Boil until it looks oishi, and makes yr house smell like Momma's. Then eat. By the way, make some for tomorrow, because it's doubly good when reheated on the stove the next day. No microwaves.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Wasting Time Like Wanda

She wants to know where you keep your wine, but you never told her that you have more under the house. Your cellar, if you will. But she prefers white, anyway. So that is that. In the Fridge. White wine for the white girl. Cold wine for a cold girl. She talks about her Saturday night while watching you type on your computer. She doesn't care if you listen because you never really listen anyway. So it's all in the same. Formalities really. She shouts, "I hate Macs! They are so stupid. Nothing is interesting about them at all." You respond with faster typing. About 30 seconds pass until she changes the subject to the things her mother wrote in an email. You take a breath from your typing and type yrself a quick mental email reminding yrself to someday touch on the weirdness of how Wanda does not ever actually speak to her mother, but instead writes long, horse-drawn e-mails. After you send, you stand up and head towards the kitchen. "You know, Wanda..." She interrupts with an immediate slap of sarcasm. "Yes, XXXXX?" You shudder with annoyance, but continue anyway. Macs are the smart people. Yes, everyone knows how to use a PC. But there are better, more efficient ways to the internet, media editting, and so on. You, Wanda, are just slow in the brain.
Everyone wonders if anybody heard what you just said.
And if yr in a band.
Everyone wonders why you are such a smug, hypothetical asshole. Did your mom humiliate and spank you, pants down, in front of the entire family at that BBQ when she caught you peeing on yr sister's doll? No? Then fuck off.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Faces of Wood, Hard, True,

All the shadows slide down the trees
and onto me
and without the wind, i wouldn't believe you
without the wind, you'd be silent to me
I'll bury pictures for you to soak and eat
But i didn't dig holes into the ground,
So should i die before you
At least i was free.

Louder and better than ever

is my guitar. My G string broke, and at first i thought life was terrible. Then i bought new strings and everything is just great.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Nine

Nine is the new magic number. Do you think i should start lifting weights? Nine. Because it is never a good idea to try and think about things.

dead drop dipshit

Drip drop, the water will never stop.....clouding in yr eyes
slinking in yr demise, nor being a disguise
in all you've made of me,
baby.

Dear you and always will be

I don't want you to think these things about me. I can be professional. Sure, i'm now but a professional. I was the cutest kid, i promise you. Don't do make me show you. I like fruit loops and super mario brother. I'd be yr blood brother. I'd slice a tree in three for thee. And i hate hate. And i love love. I'm just all alone in this myriad, right now. Right this instant.

I'm

as drunk as you promised i'd be by tonight. What else could you expect, i'm me. I've love alcoholics since the day i was born. Cuz he carried me, cuz she carried me. I'm gentle, love, i'm as gentle as you'd expect me to be. I'm the baby you wanted me to be when you carried me. If you can't understand, then look to your parents. I'm sure they've got their names for people like me. Infidel, lackluster, someone you should never put yr trust in. You should never love me, for i am a selfish pissant on the verge of middleclass mediocrity. I've got the freeway, babe. What else have you got?

So Slow

People are slow creatures. It takes us time. To be and to realize. We move so very slow, like cadabras, like blindness. We have to learn to use our ears, then our mouths, then brain. People like us are so slow until people like you come along. Then we are just reckless. You make us quick, but reckless. Restless.

Watashi Mo

Out in the sea, we may share the same boat, but i intend on keeping mine clean. My half will sink no longer. Mine can float alone. It always could. And when you look to the method of madness, you'll see that there's no madness at all. My cowardness ends here, from the sea of treachery. A weakness is all. Will they understand?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Apparently

I do care what people think. Even invisible strangers. I must again come to terms with the fact that i'm dumb that way. Damn, i thought that shit was over. It ain't no thang, though. Cuz i'm sleepy, and in my dreams, i'm my own man. There, i have the courage that i lack in wake.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I wanna eat cat

well, cuz alf eats cat. Cat is good, like chicken. I want cat. I won't share no cat with you, cuz you've got yr own cat to hold onto.

Title

I wanted to talk about something so personal. But i feel i might not be okay to do so. I'm in sensitive slash drunk slash honest zone. That's why i told myself no more drunken postings. I wanted to talk about us. By us, i think of you and me, in the craziest sense. Cuz whenever i write, i'm either talking to you or the other you. And yes, sometimes me. Sometimes i talk to yr lover. Sometimes i tell him he's an idiot, sometimes i tell her she's unworthy. Sometimes i think that everybody's the same, all in the same. Cuz really, there isn't much difference between all you all. The only difference is in my head. And my head is the safest safekeeper. I'll keep you safe. Even if i throw you into the arms of danger, we are safe. Ya, sure, so i knew that's how i'd spend today, maybe tomorrow and friday.....just like this. But safe, all the same. Beer, biru, amai biru....I really don't love you, but i really don't hate all the same...................................

Warui tomodachi

And you don't even know it? Cuz you can't speak it....I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what i've done.

I'm Allowed...

...because i feel lonely. Not because of the holiday thrown upon us, but because I'm a 26 yr old sucker. A six yr old in a body so old. I'm not feeling depressed, just so old. But i'm not old, tomorrow i'll be old. Tomorrow i'll lose all my friends, tomorrow i'll be alone. But not today. Because if today i called my father, he'd talk to me. My mother and brother too. The trinity, they are permanent that way. It's okay to be like this, because they made me this way. And i somewhat like today. Who cares, it doesn't stop, does it? I have 2 cigarettes left. One for me, and one for me, later. You don't play here no more. And you don't smoke no more. So i don't save for you no more.
I'm allowed because I'm a sensitive soul, far too soft for your too hardcore. But i don't show that no more, so i forgive you. I'm in a constant state of forgiveness. As far as y'r concerned. I only said that cuz i'm drunk. Talk to me tomorrow, and i'll erase all of this. Pretend it never happened, cuz that's what i d whenever it concerns you. Right, ? Isn't that true? Remember 7 years ago? Ya, i'm talking to you!!!!!! Ya, you.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Guilty Conscience

Dear Diary,
Moto says that I am nothing but a dirty Catholic. She says, she may not know me very well, but that since i was raised Catholic, I must be a very guilty person. In some ways this is true. There are times when something bad has happened, like a wallet has been stolen from a backpack. I think, it was me and they know i did it. I'm going to be found out, and everyone is going to know that i'm a thief. But i didn't steal it. I don't like to steal like that. It's too easy and wickedly underhanded. I'd rather steal from assholes and pedophiles. (Steal their magazines). Nah, but I feel guilty...i feel what the person who stole it would feel should they be standing there. I may be wrong, Catholic style. Well, i sometimes partake in activities that i keep from other people. Anger would happen should they know. These activities, i feel guilt. Lying, i feel guilt. The funniest part though, is that i've learned to pour guilt proof linings around my stomach and bile pit. So though the guilt is there, and in great abundances, it no longer affects me. I'm wondering if this was the way out of the shackles of a Catholic upbringing. Or maybe the way in.
To lie, then deny. Superb.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

February 10, 2018

Dear Diary,

I thought today would terrible to get through. It was surprisingly easy to wait in line at the post office, and through the freeway traffic. I decided to change my mind and wait until tomorrow. I need a better reason than today to become a better follow-througher. I'll probably just leave a couple of voicemails and go to sleep. Plans have become much easier to stick to now that nobody answers their phones anymore.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Prophetic FowL

I woke up on the floor with all my blankets on top of me. I studied till 1am, drank some water, and slept. I made a new song. I liked it. I dreamt about my chickens again. I haven't had that dream since i was a kid. Have i ever told you about my chicks?
When i was a kid, every christmas, i would ask for a baby chick for christmas. I wanted one so bad. Then, in my dreams, i'd have them. I'd be kneeling on the driveway, petting and feeding them when something bad would happen. Since this dream was recurring, the situations would change often. Sometimes, they would run away and i wouldn't be able to catch them. Sometimes, they would climb into a hole and disappear. Sometimes they'd be stolen from me. I never had a good time with those chicks. I was always so worried about them. Those dreams eventually made me give up on having a baby chick, i'd just be disappointed. Last night, i dreamt that i had a box of chicks in my car. They were not mine, they belonged to Moto. I was wondering if maybe she might give me just one, since there were so many in the box. With the momentum of acceleration, the box slid off my back seat and flew out the window. The box was smashed by a Semi.
Besides being a chick dream, it also has some more significance. Last weekend, i dreamt that my brother had also fallen out of the passenger's side window and had been smooshed by a small car. Specifically, his head. I never understood my chick dreams. And how the fuck did i fall off my bed? Something strange is happening in my head these days, and i'm sure it will introduce itself at the right time.

Suiting of Fancy

The Open Window
by Saki (H.H. Munro)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My aunt will be down presently, Mr. Nuttel," said a very self-possessed young lady of fifteen; "in the meantime you must try and put up with me."

Framton Nuttel endeavored to say the correct something which should duly Hatter the niece of the moment without unduly discounting the aunt that was to come. Privately he doubted more than ever whether these formal visits on a succession of total strangers would do much towards helping the nerve cure which he was supposed to be undergoing

"I know how it will be," his sister had said when he was preparing to migrate to this rural retreat; "you will bury yourself down there and not speak to a living soul, and your nerves will be worse than ever from moping. I shall just give you letters of introduction to all the people I know there. Some of them, as far as I can remember, were quite nice."

Framton wondered whether Mrs. Sappleton, the lady to whom he was presenting one of the letters of introduction came into the nice division.

"Do you know many of the people round here?" asked the niece, when she judged that they had had sufficient silent communion.

"Hardly a soul," said Framton. "My sister was staying here, at the rectory, you know, some four years ago, and she gave me letters of introduction to some of the people here."

He made the last statement in a tone of distinct regret.

"Then you know practically nothing about my aunt?" pursued the self-possessed young lady.

"Only her name and address," admitted the caller. He was wondering whether Mrs. Sappleton was in the married or widowed state. An undefinable something about the room seemed to suggest masculine habitation.

"Her great tragedy happened just three years ago," said the child; "that would be since your sister's time."

"Her tragedy?" asked Framton; somehow in this restful country spot tragedies seemed out of place.

"You may wonder why we keep that window wide open on an October afternoon," said the niece, indicating a large French window that opened on to a lawn.

"It is quite warm for the time of the year," said Framton; "but has that window got anything to do with the tragedy?"

"Out through that window, three years ago to a day, her husband and her two young brothers went off for their day's shooting. They never came back. In crossing the moor to their favorite snipe-shooting ground they were all three engulfed in a treacherous piece of bog. It had been that dreadful wet summer, you know, and places that were safe in other years gave way suddenly without warning. Their bodies were never recovered. That was the dreadful part of it." Here the child's voice lost its self-possessed note and became falteringly human. "Poor aunt always thinks that they will come back someday, they and the little brown spaniel that was lost with them, and walk in at that window just as they used to do. That is why the window is kept open every evening till it is quite dusk. Poor dear aunt, she has often told me how they went out, her husband with his white waterproof coat over his arm, and Ronnie, her youngest brother, singing 'Bertie, why do you bound?' as he always did to tease her, because she said it got on her nerves. Do you know, sometimes on still, quiet evenings like this, I almost get a creepy feeling that they will all walk in through that window--"

She broke off with a little shudder. It was a relief to Framton when the aunt bustled into the room with a whirl of apologies for being late in making her appearance.

"I hope Vera has been amusing you?" she said.

"She has been very interesting," said Framton.

"I hope you don't mind the open window," said Mrs. Sappleton briskly; "my husband and brothers will be home directly from shooting, and they always come in this way. They've been out for snipe in the marshes today, so they'll make a fine mess over my poor carpets. So like you menfolk, isn't it?"

She rattled on cheerfully about the shooting and the scarcity of birds, and the prospects for duck in the winter. To Framton it was all purely horrible. He made a desperate but only partially successful effort to turn the talk on to a less ghastly topic, he was conscious that his hostess was giving him only a fragment of her attention, and her eyes were constantly straying past him to the open window and the lawn beyond. It was certainly an unfortunate coincidence that he should have paid his visit on this tragic anniversary.

"The doctors agree in ordering me complete rest, an absence of mental excitement, and avoidance of anything in the nature of violent physical exercise," announced Framton, who labored under the tolerably widespread delusion that total strangers and chance acquaintances are hungry for the least detail of one's ailments and infirmities, their cause and cure. "On the matter of diet they are not so much in agreement," he continued.

"No?" said Mrs. Sappleton, in a voice which only replaced a yawn at the last moment. Then she suddenly brightened into alert attention--but not to what Framton was saying.

"Here they are at last!" she cried. "Just in time for tea, and don't they look as if they were muddy up to the eyes!"

Framton shivered slightly and turned towards the niece with a look intended to convey sympathetic comprehension. The child was staring out through the open window with a dazed horror in her eyes. In a chill shock of nameless fear Framton swung round in his seat and looked in the same direction.

In the deepening twilight three figures were walking across the lawn towards the window, they all carried guns under their arms, and one of them was additionally burdened with a white coat hung over his shoulders. A tired brown spaniel kept close at their heels. Noiselessly they neared the house, and then a hoarse young voice chanted out of the dusk: "I said, Bertie, why do you bound?"

Framton grabbed wildly at his stick and hat; the hall door, the gravel drive, and the front gate were dimly noted stages in his headlong retreat. A cyclist coming along the road had to run into the hedge to avoid imminent collision.

"Here we are, my dear," said the bearer of the white mackintosh, coming in through the window, "fairly muddy, but most of it's dry. Who was that who bolted out as we came up?"

"A most extraordinary man, a Mr. Nuttel," said Mrs. Sappleton; "could only talk about his illnesses, and dashed off without a word of goodby or apology when you arrived. One would think he had seen a ghost."

"I expect it was the spaniel," said the niece calmly; "he told me he had a horror of dogs. He was once hunted into a cemetery somewhere on the banks of the Ganges by a pack of pariah dogs, and had to spend the night in a newly dug grave with the creatures snarling and grinning and foaming just above him. Enough to make anyone lose their nerve."

Romance at short notice was her speciality.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

White, and loving it!!!!!

I'd slap you silly, if you were my friend. Luckily, you're not, because you seem to be nothing but trouble. I know your kind, i'm friends with yr kind, sisters with yr kind. "Yr one of my kind". I'd still like to slap you, regardless.
Hey, kid, that's not a compliment. Dumb ass. You're really stupid aren't you? Well, that's okay, it took me this long to really notice it, so the blood is on everyones' hands, isn't it? God, it makes soooo much sense to me. You think you know it all....? Well, let me throw this one out there....Did you ever wonder about the past? Oh shut up!!!! You know exactly what i'm talking about. Think about it...huh. Yes, think. You think you can talk without me knowing? I haven't proven myself to you, is what you are really saying. That's sad, though. Sad that you haven't realized just how much i haven't any need to prove. It's not like i have a list, you know. It's not like i have it all written down, on carefully drafted blueprints marked with donut stains. You probably think i eat alot of donuts? Oh don't lie. I don't care. You are making a very complicated bed. Yes, soul cracka, tangly, with deep shade. In reality, i don't know you and you don't know me. But i nominate myself as a very reasonable person, who partook in the very same thing. Best wishes on Phase two, you achromatic drifter.

tHIS sERIOUS mOONLIGHT

We all know what baby does when she's put in a corner, right?
DANCE!!!

"LET'S DANCE. PUT ON YR RED DRESS AND DANCE THE BLUES."

Someone wants attention. Baby wants attention. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Call me on the phone. I won't answer at first. I'll let you hear my delicious voicemail. After that, i'll drink some. Pretty soon, i won't be able to hold out much longer. Babies have no patience because when your life is divided by months, minutes seem like days. It's in my hand, waiting. And remember, son, "if you say hide, we'll hide."

Sunday, November 13, 2005

To Know Better

I suggest you stay away from explaining idioms. They are too tricky for both children and other learners of a foreign language. "You know better than that", you never even considered this one. It seems so easy, in any language. It's not an idiom, idiot, it's a universal phrase. Shy around a drunken bonfire? You know better than that. Take more than "a penny"? You know better than that. Reading a personal profile? You know better than that. Fall in love with the hand who holds your back? You know better than that. Once a turk, always a turk. You know better than that. Writing nonfiction in the form of a fable. You know better than that. Whispering truth in a crowded bar? Ya, to know better.

The Passage of all Time

Corrodes like a snake in the road,
like the rust on yr remote control,
Be like the Stone, or a falsetto
and the steam from the gates, of a deathly parade, will spit you, no, swallow you whole!!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Let's go MeeMeez

It's sanjini in the freaking asa dude, and watashi wa yon hon biru o nomimashta. Nihongo o kakiru koto wa dekimasen. Or can I? I don't know, it's a mystery to me.Ima, I have nothing of value to contribute, demo watashi wa kaite imas anyways. Probably because i want something to do while i chain smoke. Chain smoking alone is so sad, but with imaginary audiences, a bit better. Maybe if i told a story, what i am doing would sound more legitimate. Too legit, too legit to quit, byotch. Maybe discussing the day I punched a cat off the wall while running from the car? Or perhaps the time my mom sat on me and peed? No, wait, i bet the repetitive nightmares of floating up onto the ceiling and being pulled towards the door is much more meaningful. Ain't nothing meaningful here, slut. Okay, fine, how about the hours i would spend walking across the schoolyard stepping on bees, with injuries so slight, holding by wings, into a plastic jar? No? Still nothing? Fine, maybe descriptions of the softest sand in the world can satisfy. Children's village was no laughing matter, friend. There, i was the loneliest i've ever been. That was the day i was stung by the bee. But i wasn't collecting at the time, i bet they sensed that. I was making soft sand. How does one collect soft sand? Well, you pour sand onto your corduroy pants, and pat the edges until the rocks fall down. What is left is soft sand. You put it into a ziplock bag. You make alot, and bring it home, stashing it under your bed. Soft sand might be valuable to someone, someday. Kumquats are also collectable items, just make sure that you don't forget about the ones at the bottom of your backpack, or else they might tease you for smelling of rotting citrus.
Don't lose your jacket, kid, don't lose your pail. That shit cost money, you know.
Let's go other places. Let's go back to days ago, i was felt it then too. I wasn't in warzone, there were no alarms. I was just in bed, asleep, dreaming. I was awoken, and i love, and i'm a bad lover. Shame on me. I'd apologize if i meant it, but i didn't. I was innocent that time. So innocent, i swear.
What about standing in line to be checked for head lice, for the bookmobile, for the hearing tests? SRAs anyone? I was so obvious at that time. So eager to please the computer programs. They gauge intelligence, you know. Ya, you know. What about the day i did the bad thing? The day i started a trouble i couldn't control? And that night i screamed to angry songs? Everyone pretended not to hear. I hoped they would do just that. How about the day i read that thing that made me want to hurt the one i thought i loved? But that's just too similar to the night my dad snuck in to say goodnight, i was a sneaky bitch even then. I pretended to be sunken down in the corner, i pretended to be dead. It was just divorce, not war, no funny business. That's not that bad. What about the hotels, the pools, McDonalds? What about Rosewood park? No, still not worthy. Okay, then how about the treehouse, the bonfire, headlights, poison, the moon? How about mid-day naps when it is warm and safe? What about the sunken cheeks, Walden in the bedroom, and Alton in the garage? Morphine? Vicodin? Tequila? Soundgarden? No, too juvenile. Fine, then, I'll tell about Our Lady of Assumption, she had the best, biggest burritos in town. Traci knows, doesn't see. I was not part of the riot, i was so new. I always learned to go from scapegoat to clown college. I think that is where i belong, the circus.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Mistaken




She's had too much to really make any sound judgements. Her womb is empty. Fallopian.
Crybaby.

Less Interesting



I love stupid people. I am stupid people. Babies in Bags, babies in bags. Stupid, not stupid!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Don't look at Me Straight, I'm shy

Today I completed over 3/4's of the "list on things to do today so that i can feel better about the disorder in my life" list. Really. Today I spent 7 dollars and 8 cents on things like faxes and transcripts. I have 237.68 to last me until December 9th. It's a month. That's alright, i did the math. So 3/4 of the list. Can you imagine the Sake filled celebration that I'm going to have with myself tonight? I feel much too good about myself today to let it go to waste.
Would you rather i talk about you? Probably. You pretend to be shy, but nobody really thinks so. I decided to change my style of music today. As of today, i no longer enjoy sad, comforting melodies, preferably from long ago times. Music that survives the test of time is best. That's right, from now, i listen to jagged screams. I'm looking into punk, but i might just go with industrial. I need someone who knows more about this to guide me. You see, I am lazy and mistrustful of review descriptions.
Oh, I forgot, love, i was supposed to talk about you. No, just kidding. Would you like me to make you tempura? I make the bomb ass tempura. You don't like sweet potato or carrots, but the zuccini's just pull you right in. Have you seen that movie Redemption? Yes, friend, it does have a Wayan Brother in it. I'm sorry, but you should check it out. Maybe I'll rent it, you come and eat my tempura.
Wanna know what i'm thinking? I'm remembering the excerpt from a book I read last night. It made me think of Winnie Cooper. I'm also trying to look onto my neighboring computer's screen to see what he's got to say. I read about a paragraph when I was coming back from the printer, but all that did was get me interested enough to keep wondering. It's written in italics, as if told in dialogue. As I reread what i just wrote I sort of whispered it under my breath. I wonder if he heard. No he didn't.
I still have errands to run. I don't write drunk no more. No, I don't.

Monday, November 07, 2005

April Fool's

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.......the joke is on me.
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha......i'll never learn, will i? will i?
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.....it's so funny, funny funny.....ha, ha, ha, ha,
not even everybody laughs, because it's so funny that they don't see so funny.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha......i laugh till i cry. I laugh, then i cry.

RunnyEgg

It goes from my mouth, all the way down to my underbelly. Yes, maam, I'm that disgusting with and without you around. It ain't easy, it just ain't that easy.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Kiyonen

If I'm into my blog at any given time, such as how i am these days, then I have a little ritual. I like to delve into the past and see what was up last year at this time. Since it is All Saints Day, or the beginning of a new month, I check out last year's November. I like last year's November journaling. I remember feeling just as lost as i do now. Isn't great to know things never seem to change? "Isn't it kick you in the crotch fantastic?"

T-bone, do you know that quote? Yes, you know that quote.

do it for the kids, y'all, do it for the kids

THis is just another one of those things for my education class that I wanted to keep saved. The book gives an interesting perspective on Education.

Lives on the Boundary by Mike Rose.


It wasn't until I reached the middle of the book did I realize that Rose actually had some real life legitimacy in how it related to this class. I must admit that I wasn't very impressed with the fictional way it was written until it actually came to the point in his life where he had become a tutor, then teacher. Once he reached the point where he began describing the different types of problems he encountered with learning how to understand the problems of his students, recognizing from where these problems stemmed, and how he came to the conclusions on how to solve them was when this book turned great.

He hit upon every topic that we have discussed in this class: language barriers, misunderstanding and mislabeling certain kinds of learning problems which just further the learning gaps, the problems surrounding standardized testing, etc. What I found superior about his book, though, as opposed to some of the articles we have read, is that he doesn't just recognize the problems and print them up for others to marvel at. Instead, he has taken the time to investigate the possible reasons and conclusions that leads to these problems. Then, he goes a step further and pokes for the answers by listening to the questions of the students with the problems. He doesn't just assume that he knows the answer, instead he makes sure that he's perfectly understanding the break in the link of understanding between teacher and student. He delves into problems, and then finds solutions in how to translate the meaning into ways where the student can understand. He holds this refined sensitivity for the feelings of his students, probably because he understands what it feels like to come from that frame of mind.

The example of how he tutored Ruby for the SAT-esque test dealing with prefix definitions took the reader into a step-by-step process of how to recognize how your student's logic is working. Once he saw that she was simply searching for synonyms of the root, he was able to adjust his explanations into a way she could understand because he understood her. Once he showed her how the tests work, she succeeded in getting the rest correct.

Last Friday, I had a similar experience in the 9th grade classroom. The kids were in groups and they were making posters of the main characters in the book, Tangerine, that we have all read. Their assignment was to draw the character, then list 5 adjectives of the characters. I noticed one group was writing sentences of things the character does. For example, "he plays soccer" "he stands up for what he believes in" "he hates his brother". I knew that was not what Mrs. Munkelt was expecting even though in theory, they were giving her descriptions of the character. I noticed that they just didn't understand what the definition of an adjective was. I tried to explain what an adjective was, but i wasn't doing a good job of making my point clear. They didn't understand the difference between what i was trying to describe and what they were doing. So instead, I gave examples of adjectives. I told them that Mrs. Munkelt "spends her lunch time helping the seniors write their college essays". I said "that is what she does". I said, what she does shows that she is "caring". Caring is an adjective. I then said "Luis plays football, basketball, and baseball" that is what he does. "Luis is athletic." That is what he is. At first I wasn't sure if that was the best way to get the message across because it still may not have been the best way to define an adjective, however, I was pleased when I asked "So, Erik (the brother character in the book) sprayed spraypaint in his baby brother's eyes" That is what he did. So Erik is_______?" "Mean?", said one of the students. "Exactly, maybe even cruel?"I asked. "Yeah! Cruel! Ya Ya, write that." After that, they finished up the rest of of the adjectives with no problem.

I was pleasantly surprised when Rose began to discuss problems with curriculum, and the reason why its set-up is almost designed to fail. He quoted Dewey by recognizing "Only in education, never in the life of he farmer, sailor, merchant, physician, or laboratory experimenter, does knowledge mean primarily a store of information aloof from doing." (190) He made an excellent points in describing some of the poor planning in the structure of curriculum. He mentions that history is not taught in any linear way so that it becomes a story with noticeable cause and effect which relates it to modern day. Instead, it's broken up into time periods and random facts that are easily forgotten after the tests are taken and the papers written.


I found many of his ideas inspiring. For example, when he talks about the activity where he would play Beatles' songs and have the kids write creative essays on how the song should end, it seemed like something different that would provoke the kids' attention. It's very Deweyian in that, it incorporates the other senses such as listening to music as a way to expand the learning environment. This activity has given me an idea for an exercise i'd like to try with both the 9th and the 12 graders. I want to play the introduction to Missy Elliot's "Under Construction" album which talks about redefining your opinions once something huge happens. She talks about 911, about the East Coast/West Coast rapper wars, and the death of Aliyah. Her message is very positive, and she says it quite eloquently even if she's speaking in "ebonics". I want to play the 30 second clip for the kids, and have them write a journal entry on what message she is trying to get across and why they think it might be important, and how it can relate to their own lives. I also believe that this could be a good thing for them to think about since they have recently had a tragedy occur surrounding a former student of the school who many of the kids know and liked. This girl was shot to death at a San Leandro school which she just transferred to from Tennyson by her boyfriend who then shot himself.

I feel like the kids need to talked to about these issues in ways that they can understand, and hear it from people they may possibly admire, such as Missy Elliot. I feel that if they can make connections with positive spokepeople, then they can develop their own sense of positivity, even in a world environment that shows so much negativity. I hope that this project for Friday is okay with Mrs. Munkelt, since it was inspired by such an enlightened figure as Mike Rose. I really enjoyed his opinions and ideas about educating and motivating "America's educationally underprepared."