CANCEROUS

I was supposed to be born on the 4th of July, but i was lazy and tired, and 1979 didn't really seem all that great, so instead I went French and came on July 14th. This makes me Cancerous. Moody, protective, changeable, emotional. See, these qualities all seem really annoying. I guess protective is okay. No, but usually i am very weary when it comes to Cancers, much like I am weary towards myself.

The Lion---I don't want to ignore a Cancer's self-rightousness because shellfish can many times think they are better than you, and smarter too. Only Leos are known for their self-absorption, egotism and slight mania. I don't usually like Leos, but that's only because of my own egotism and that thing where you hate other people because they are alot like you. I like to fight with Leos, always a good challenge.

Virgo--I'm usually jealous of Virgos. They always seem to get things right. I hate that. Oh and they are kind of boring. What's fun about a virgin? Well, a virgin that will always stay a virgin.

Libra- Now here is where you go for a good time. I really like Libras, except for their horrible conceitedness and self indulence. Again, it reminds me of somebody i know.

Scorpio--One of my favorite signs, and i'm proud to have it as a "Rising". Honestly, i'm scared of them and i love what i fear. Forceful, bossy, secretive, jealous, compulsive, sexual. They are usually freaks, creepy ass freaks.

Sagittarius--I'm a sucker for these weirdos. They're fun, and always interesting to hang out with. They are those people who you hate because they seem to have their social life all figured out. Only, when they fuck up, they really fuck shit up.

Capricorn--I don't have anything against these people. As my opposite sign, I never really understand their blind honesty and forefrontness. They seem like they always have life under control, only they sometimes got it all wrong but are too honest to ever notice it.

Aquarius--I never know what to say about Aquarius. I know what books say, but i think they leave alot out, maybe out of fear of Aquarius'. Yes, they are inventive, loyal, original people, and there's not many like them (except for the theoretical 8.33 percent of the population). Only they can be scary, very very scary.
And not good scary like I mentioned earlier.

Pisces--I've always like Pisces. Sure they are almost as self-absorbed as Leos and Aries, but in more of an endearing way. They are usually softer spoken than most and
gentleness is sometimes not all that annoying.

Aries--I used to hate Aries. Books describe energetic, selfish, impulsive, quick-tempered, confident, courageous. Who wants that? Well, not me. Only i found that these things don't suck as much as it may seem. Energy can be fun, childlike and playful. Selfish, well at least you know what's a motivating factor. Impulsive is refreshing these days. They're smart and eternally young. See Hitler.

Taurus--Taurus freak me out. Something is weird and hard with these people. Well at least they're fashionable!

Gemini--These people are smart, rash, and cruel. There is something unexplainably magnetic about their asshole-ness. Sometimes the harshest, most heartnessness is funny and great.

I may like yr sign and hate you and vice versa, i'm almost sure its bullshit. But 10 years hasn't completely convinced me, yet.

Dear Psychonut

What the hell are you writing about? Because you see, i know you real good and i don't get any of it. None of this really makes sense, and well, it makes you look a little, um...weird, i guess i should say. These poems and words and drunken confessions are so meaningless it makes me want to crush you into a skinny sheet of blank recycled paper. See, cuz that's what you are...totally recycled. Nothing is ever real with you, and how can it ever be when you keep it locked as if a clam shell, a turtle on a half shell. Well, see, now y'r being silly, now y'r being cute. But yr not cute, and everyone knows it. I just wanted you to know that it embarrasses me. I go to work, i get bored, i read your thing, and i have vague recollections of you stumbling around the room, trying to get yrself steady so you can write a little. But honestly, I don't know what yr talking about, and like i said, i thought i knew you. There is no one, you speak to no one, except yr sad lonely self. Sometimes it sickens me to know you, really. And for the sake of us both, get this love out of yr head. Dearest, i hate you.

BrainCandy

i miss you more when yr close
you tiny palm of cellulose
my cigarette burns like a light in the sky
and nothing can ever bring you even closer
than i

right now
here
right here
i wish u were here




with the smite of sounding ragged
i call you close
like twinny baby fishies in a similar bowl


how'd you like that?
References from my youth,
directed totally at you

like leonard, i love you, suzanne

i talk to a pretty rainbow
she talks, she passes
like a fallen angel.............

i miss you especially when i'm there
i miss you here, there, and everywhere

Every day of Mythmas

was like the following day
of something sad,
of something special
that i never had
And the Peters and Posies
and Everything rosy
couldn't keep pretty from passing her feelings.


i was never calling you..i was never passing through....i was never wanting to, unless of course you wanted to

Like the rain........

I wanna be big like the flood of humanity
i wanna wash yr hook from inside of me
i wanna be big and strong and rough
i wanna be as if i said words big enough

but you only understand
you only understand
the little bouts of wind
that you built yrself to put up with

i wanna drown the little perversions alike
the dripping conundrums you stretch unlike
i wanna possess like the soggy snow
you keep beneath yr pants like so

i wanna seep like the roots of a tree
and disbelieve every lie you keep
from me, from me, from me
i wanna treat yr underbelly
like the ragged remains you've always kept
from me, from me, from me

I wanna gather in the valley
i wanna puddle in the alley
i wanna grow and grow and grow
till i make a river big enough
that you may know
that you may know
that you might know
every little drop of me
condenses so unstoppably
in me

Posture Pedic, I lay you down, love loss bitter cross

your first love was a superficial guy
who spread cum on yr fingers
and honey in yr eye
my first love was a tiny little girl
who had glass on her wrists
and butter on her heals
and who says....
we can't be more than friendly
and who makes
all the funny feelings
and who gives
such a motherfucking
and who makes
all the hello believing.....

my first love was a skinny steel mallet
who cut his cards on a prissy pallette
yr first love was a blonde Xavier
who put all of his feelings on pretty green paper
and who plays with her silly dollies
she can't be real with every passing holly
and he flakes with in a simile dogged
with every dime, he bets on everything solid
we dim
and we yawn
and crawl
in the dawn
we swim
and we yield
to the wall
that every always
will build

Positron

How about that, 1AM.

You Sunk My Battleship

We'd argue twenty moves ahead. I'd bet on the peices and you'd vote for the placement. I'd say, "i have 4 of your men and you have 3 of mine". You'd recount by pointing to my awkward strategy. I gave you the evil eye for castling your heart, while you'd retort "tried tested and true". But yr traditional moves are a bore and we play no more. I have little strategy, not to say I have little sympathy. I know my men and i know yours, and i see you coming from the distance. I don't fear you all around. Because I trust my instincts and I trust my foresight and i trust my vengeance. Yr knights are nothing, yr pawns are nothing, and our queens are dead. During these moments i see you detach and recoil. I silently curse yr soft mind and fallen shield. If you fail yrself, you'll fail me. If you rely on defense, its merely waiting for yr lover's mistake, If you attack like a Queen, you die like a King.
It's never just a game, and i always told you so.

My move:H3G4
 

On the Seventh Day of Mythmas

my true love gave to me seven horns-a-blowing, six sided gemstone, fiiiiive firey rings, four silent owls, three French whores, two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree. 

On The Sixth Day of Mythmas

my true love gave to me, a six sided gemstone, fiiive firey rings, four silent owls, three French whores and two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree



 

On the Fifth Day of Mythmas

my true love gave to me, Fiiiiive firey rings, four silent owls, three French whores, two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree 

Tuesday's Child

Today was a horrible day. It wasn't that anything especially horrible happened or anybody did anything specific. In fact, almost nothing eventful occured. As usual, my phone alarm went off at 6am, and as usual I kept it on snooze until 7:30. I did not want to wake up today, which is not any different than any other day. The same thoughts were slowly making their way into my head. How the cold is barbaric, how the morning is barbaric, and how sleep is barbaric. I hated the thought of taking a shower, until i began hating the thought of my poor hygiene. I let my thoughts argue and the hatred of cold outweighed my hatred of hygiene. After trying to manuever my hair into a ponytail and keep the appearance as if I did take a shower, i left the house. Of course, on days like this, every minor, negative detail seems less like a detail and more like reality. I cursed my dirty car, i cursed my poor radio installation, i cursed the windy road, the dirty snow. I cursed everything unpure, most of all myself. As I pulled into my space at work, I felt a new dread even stronger than the one as I was waking up. At the door, I pulled my keys from my jacket pocket. I thought, "i wish they could wait for everyone to arrive before they lock the door". The door was indeed locked. As I slithered my way to my desk, i immediately grew annoyed at the screeching sounds of the ringing phones. Doesn't everyone feel the vulgarity of phoning before noontime? Perhaps not. The day was slow and my night even worse. Even Gin couldn't shake the icicles from my heart.

On the Fourth Day of Mythmas

my true love gave to me, four silent owls, three French whores, two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree 

Freedom Fry

I miss this little guy.  

Propagating Popples

I just don't feel together enough in the head to be like an arrow. Instead, i'll be like a snake.
When I moved to the Mountain, i thought i had lost the source of all my powers. But no, it was just hiding in my heart shaped box. It's a ring like a snake. She spends most of her time facing me, whispering half truths into my ear. She guides and watches. I only turn her around on special occasions. Usually when I am hot and hostile. She's a vicious, yet inanimate lovely object. I'm glad she's back, yay snake ring.
I've always thought that movie Ten Things I Hate about You actually listed the 10 things about Hate. Someone told me it doesn't, but I can never trust this person's word about anything. But if I were to list 3 things, it would be the following. 3--yr such a god damn sham 2--yr weakness is despicable 1--how dare you linger.
Today I ate steak, and I'm paying for it dearly.
I watched some cable special on John Lennon today. It reminded me of my girlhood crush on that pansy hippy. But I still love pansies and I still love hippies. well, the cynical ones.
I watched the simpsons, i laughed. i watched arrested development, i laughed. I watched a commercial for tomorrow's trading spouses, i did not laugh. I happened to get caught up in the living room last Monday night, and i began to watch the show. There was something about this particular episode that really freaked me out. That hippy family was super creepy and i thought to myself, "thank god i wasn't raised sleeping in the same room as my old, bearded father". I know that it is hard to get yourself to sit down, at 8 o clock on a Monday night to watch bad reality television. I know that its hard to watch hardcore barefooted hippies for an hour straight, but i have a feeling you'll feel a certain uncomfort that will have you thanking me as you clutch the remote's power button upon the commercials for The Swan. Uh, and it is this of which I write.
i wanna play guitar but my tummy hurts and i'm thirsty. my inner voice told me that's no excuse. but i'm tired and i need to work tomorrow. i didn't do laundry like i said i was. i didn't record that cymbal/metranome/5voiceover/antique crystal bells song i've been thinking about. my mom kicked my sister out of her room, and put her in the guestroom. She's redecorating and it looks all fancy and antique. My grandmas old sewing table and victrola are back. Her crystal figurines are back in the lighted, glass curio cabinet. I can't wait for my mom to go to work so I can play with all those bells. It reminded me of when I was a kid and i'd volunteer to clean the contents of that cabinet. Everything was so pretty. I totally knew how Bart felt tonight as he burnt his toys and talk to the old sea captain. I'd like to be friends with the Captain.
Today Kenny played computer technician and was able to log onto my computer from Las Vegas. YES, VEGAS. Amazing, i say. I heard Babycakes in the background of our conversation, and I'm looking ever so forward to seeing his alleged standing up in his crib and peeking over the edge trick. I fear the holidays. My family will be heading East for North Carolina hoopla. The mountain could be lonely.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to fake my own death and disappear. Leaving all traces of what's now. I'm sure i'd do things of a mischievious nature. And then criticize myself for associating with old memories.
I do that alot, criticize. Maybe its cuz of that time I was criticized for doing lewd things with Popples in 2nd grade. I think that was the first time I felt embarrassed, at least from what I can remember now. Yea, maybe. The criticism didn't make me stop, though. I remember someone else's Popple and puppet shows and silly times, but like I said before, i cannot be associating with old memories.

On the Third Day Of Mythmas

my true love gave to me, three french whores, two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree  

AudioBlogger

My goodness, the fun I am going to have with this. I'm a Dork>

On The Second Day of Mythmas

my true love gave to me, two batty bats and a black crow in a dead tree 

On the First Day of Mythmas

my true love sent to me, a black crow in a dead tree 

Amazing

I finally did it. I patiently read and followed directions. Now if only I accomplish the finer aspects of HTML webdesign such as decorating it like how I really want. I want better fonts, a better design and arrangement, and a counter. Let's see how I do. Boy, aren't my Fridays fun?

Seven of Diamonds

one hit knockin' me down to the...
floor
twice now keeping me steady for...
more
third grace kept a whole lotta love in yr...
face
four score kept the pitiful stuck by the
door
five alive, i could imagine you late in the
day
sixty six, and still up to your same ole
trix
lucky seven kept the big ones outta
you know it.

On the Even Days, I wish....

i knew my name.

SOS

Same old shit. I'm pissed again because i can't figure out pictures. I try and give myself a few weeks to get over the frustration of stupid hit and miss html shutdowns. I hate it. Though i don't really know what complaining will accomplish, i mean, really nothing right? Uh, it just pisses me off cuz i've got all these images and lots of stuff to say about them...i've become like a caveman staring at the wild fire...with sad, scary fear in his heart. Only, i've got girl fear.

The difference, you ask?
It's pinker.

You sing Like Pinwheel

Blue bayoo,
tis taboo, the things you make me think of you. i still know yr number, still i know yr name. holy shit, ya, i do.

Nothing is Personal

I've been having these fits. Crazy how a certain kind of isolation really gives alot time to think about huh...people. I think about all sorts of people. People i love, People i do not love. I'm not sure if it is the altitude or the forest, or the icicles, or the family, or the SoCal air, but i'm feeling all different inside. I am at this wonderful point where i actually do care...in the larger sense of the word. Yet, i care absolutely not. The actions of others are slow but steadily affecting me less and less.
If I may attribute the change to one thing, it would be the realization that made me smile for about 3 days. Sure, i've heard/read/learned it before, but I don't think i ever really cared to get it. I never really felt it. Perhaps, i didn't even understand it, really. But i do now, and its beautiful. It is this.
A little person is a big world. With satellites all around. Materials, family, lovers, preoccupations, secrets, mannerisms, stealth, leaving the list to infinity. This little world has an atmosphere, this little world has life. You are a god to every idea in your head. Very rare is universe travel. Very rare do people see outside of their reflective ozones. Very rare is true contact away from home.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. Same as I.
Somehow, these worlds make me feel less lonely.